it's not just the love you feel — it's the openness with which you
share it, and in what ways you show up to express it. Here are ten ways
you can tell that you have found someone who really knows how to love
you.
make you feel safe.
1. love you without condition.
Real
love comes without any expectations. You don't have anything to prove,
nothing to win. Yes, at the beginning of a love affair, you're trying to
entice and impress each other, but as time goes on there's no need to
perform in order to make love last.
2. listen — really listen.
This
is a big one. Real listening means that you throw your own agenda out
the window and really absorb what the person is saying, without
judgment. It's not always easy to do, but truly loving someone means
being able to be there for them through thick and thin, and being a
good, empathetic confidant.
3. love you for who you are, not an idealized version of what they want a partner to be.
The
day I realized that my husband will never remember to do certain things
without a reminder or two (or three), I felt my love deepen for him a
little. It sounds counter-intuitive, but when I realized that I couldn't
change him — and just needed to find a way to work with who he was — I
could appreciate all the things he could do for me and our family. It
helps that he will happily do housework, but just can't remember to do
it on his own.
4. give you space.
At the beginning of a relationship, it's normal to be inseparable,
to want to do every last thing together. But there comes a point where
each partner needs some space. When and how this happens varies from
person to person and one relationship to another.
But
since real love means letting your partner be his or herself, you need
to respect your partner's need for independence and the autonomy to
sometimes do things without you.
5. fight for you.
When
you're having a down-and-out day, your partner will be the first one to
remind you how incredibly awesome you are. Your partner will be your
biggest defender against conflicts with others. They will remind you of
the strength you forgot you had, and give you the fighting words when
you're too upset to find them yourself.
6. hang on during the storms.
Conflicts in relationships are natural, but when left to fester they can destroy relationships. Fighting is normal,
and healthy. Fights are opportunities to work through stuff. But
someone who truly loves you will never stay angry. He or she will work
through the anger to get to the other side — that other side being a
deeper understanding and mutual respect.
7. admit being a jerk.
Someone
who never admits when he or she has made a mistake isn't going to be
able to love authentically. Loving means being vulnerable, and owning it
when you've been a bona fide schmuck.
8. call you out on your bullsh*t.
My
husband knows me well and isn't afraid to tell me when my “baggage” is
rearing its ugly head. In the moment, I want to strangle him, but
ultimately, I love him for calling me out on my crap (and, of course,
loving me anyway).
9. make you feel beautiful.
In
our 22 years together, we've gone from being fresh-faced teenagers to
exhausted parents pushing 40. But I STILL can't change my clothes in
front of my husband without him getting all oogly-eyed and silly. Now
that's love.
10.
It
goes without saying that a partner who's physically or verbally abusive
needs to be kicked to the curb. But all partners should give you a
sense of safety. Usually it's a pretty intuitive thing. You just know
when you can trust someone, and this is solidified when they demonstrate
that trust to you throughout the relationship.