I have been single for almost two years now and yes, just like what you thought, I have been asked why I still am more times than I cared to count.
At first, I bothered explaining. And then, I just grew tired of it and let others think what they wanted. They thought I’m choosy. That I have sky-high standards. That nobody’s perfect for me.
Truth is, I’ve had crushes. I got attracted to a number of guys. But only after a while – after when my feelings were gone – that they admitted to feeling the same. The reason: I am intimidating.
I didn’t know what to make of that. Was it an insult? Was it supposed to make me think of changing? I’ve grown to know better than letting it affect me and took it as a compliment. Anyway, if you actually took a chance to get to know me, you would realize I – and the other intimidating woman – am the last person who should intimidate you.
But since you didn’t, let me give you three of the many things you should know about the woman you keep calling “intimidating.”
1. She is the living story you will never ever grow tired of reading and listening to.
Guess what, the person who intimidates you is the very same one who will keep captivating your attention. Her life and the elements you find intimidating about her are what you will fall madly in love with.
Her view of the world, the way she expresses herself, how she handles a situation, the things she’s passionate about, the activities she’s interested in, the places she wants to go and explore, her experiences, even how she doesn’t downplay her being smart, the smirk playing on her lips, the crazy remarks that come out of her mouth and the little things such as the rain or the blanket of stars that make her smile so genuinely, it makes you smile, too.
All these are products of her story, and you love them. You love them so much that you tell her story for her. You tell it to your friends, family, colleagues, even yourself in the mirror. You are proud of how she came out of her own storms, of all the things she’s gone through that no one would even ever image she has experienced, with a head held high and a smile that’s brighter than sunshine.
She is exactly the type of woman you want to be with because she can hold her own. Her character alone takes the pressure off of you. She always surprises you. Her going from adventurous to spontaneous makes you feel like you know her, but not really because there’s always something new.
So, if you’re checking her out – if you like what’s in front of you – take it off the market. Dive in and find out her story. You just might not be able to get enough; and yes, that can be scary but it’s nothing compared to how amazing it would feel like. Stop punking out. Go get what you want. Or someone else will and you’ll regret it.
2. She doesn’t need you; she wants you.
Yep. Ms. Intimidation is Ms. Independent. She builds her own career, makes her own money, pays for her own way, and carries her own bags. She has her own friends, hobbies, motivation and passion. She knows herself and what she wants.
Good news! You’re not her father, babysitter or coach!
Don’t mistake my not needing you as not wanting you. My life is busy as it is but the fact that I make you a priority and consider you should speak volumes.
I want you. I chose you of all the men I dated. Why? Because you can give my independence rest at times. You made me realize how it’s okay to let go and let someone take the lead sometimes. You are someone I can trust to make plans (because I’m so bad at that) and carry some weight. You let me be vulnerable without judgments.
There, I admitted it. The woman you find intimidating wants you and all that you have to offer. Goodbye walls.
3. She’s damn normal.
I know of a lot of women who have been tagged as “intimidating.” They are successful, charismatic, articulate, cultured, hilarious, compassionate, and independent. I could go on, but you get the picture. Did I mention intelligent? And smart? IQ as well as EQ.
These same women are stunningly beautiful, rocking stilettos even if it makes them taller than most people because they are confident like that. They strut like everywhere they set foot on is a catwalk, crushing careers by day and partying like it’s the end of the world by night. They do all with mesmerizing grace and style.
We are intimidating because we grab life by the horns and make it the best damn ride possible, and we’re still holding on. We want more of it.
But get this: this intimidating woman also enjoy silence and downtime. Yep, the same woman you are too shy to talk to also bask in just keeping quiet. She believes in the sweetness of doing nothing. She can be clumsy and messy. She gets moved by a romantic movie. She even plays on repeat her favorite music, savouring every word of it while on the road.
The same women who intimidate you have the same fears, hopes and dreams as you. We still have feelings and fairytale dreams. Only less drama.
If you find a woman who walks the talk and you feel like walking with her, do it. She will be floored. She will respect, admire and love you more than you could ever hope. Don’t waste time and buy her stock if you find her on the market. Remember, if not you, someone else.
Remember: “A strong man can handle a strong woman. A weak man would say she has an attitude.”
THOUGHT CATALOG